Ask Your Doctor:

I’ve read most of your letters and I like the way you
solve everyone's problems, so I hope you could help me
too. I completed secondary school about six years ago.
I then completed only a one-year diploma. There has
now been a gap of four years since I have studied (as
I wasn't allowed to). Now the problem is that I have
been going through a depression for these four years,
I have lost confidence in myself, as I have become
outdated in my knowledge. I do read newspapers. But I
don’t have a very good level of concentration and my
vocabulary has turned into that of an eighth standard
student. I can't grasp everything easily, which I used
to when in school, although I am just 23 years old.
Now that I am going to start a particular course
again, I have to prepare myself for it. Can you please
suggest how I could increase my concentration,
intellectual ability, and confidence level? Please
suggest any way but by meditation. For your
information, I practice yoga but still I have no
control over my mind. Basically I am a good person but
I do have an inferiority complex.

You feel inferior because you have not lived up to
your own educational standards. Now this inferiority
complex is actually getting in your way of completing
the very thing that you aspire to, namely more
education. Keeping your mind in shape is a bit like
keeping your body in shape. If you don’t exercise,
your muscles get weak and your body gets flabby. Your
mind is similar. Reading the daily paper is a good
form of brain exercise; however, if you wish to
increase your vocabulary, concentration and
intellectual ability, you will need to challenge
yourself even more by more in-depth reading, writing,
active investigation and ongoing learning. The optimal
challenge is one that is difficult but still
attainable with some effort. Then as you experience
small successes, you gain confidence and with added
confidence, you are in turn able to achieve more and
more. You will also need to wrestle with your inner
voice, which I suspect is placing limitations on your
ability to achieve. You think of yourself as
“outdated: and “slow.” If you continue to hold these
beliefs, then the best performance that you can ever
expect is of someone who is “outdated and slow.” Start
challenging these limiting beliefs. Since leaving
school, I suspect that you have learned a great deal
in the school of life. Why are you not recognizing
this learning? If learning really stopped when school
ended, many of us (yes, that includes me) would be
completely obsolete! Finally, you asked that I suggest
a specific technique other than meditation to help you
achieve your goals. Why not try a home hypnotherapy
program such as the one featured in my Web site at
www.mindmecca.com called “Overcome Procrastination and
Achieve Your Goals.” It contains hypnosis, relaxation
and positive affirmations along with active homework
assignment that will guide you in overcoming any
limitations that stand in your way of desired
achievement.

I am a 17-year-old girl and I am going through a
problem where I really need your help. You see I
really started liking this guy - who is my sister’s
husband’s brother since the age of 12. I was the
happiest person when he asked me. He lives in Pakistan
while I live in Bahrain but still we went on for five
years until now. One day, friends of my parents
brought a proposal of their son for me. My dad was
really happy because they are really nice people. I
disagreed with this proposal. I called up my boyfriend
and told him what happened. He got quite upset and
emotional and he ran away from home. Now the worst
part is that his sisters hate my sister and me because
we have always lived an independent life in Bahrain.
They are jealous of us. They found my boyfriend after
a day and brought him back home. They told him that
once he completes his studies, they would ask for my
hand in marriage. Later, they went to my sister and
told her to tell me to stay away from their brother
because they want him to get married to their cousin.
They said to tell me to tell him that I could not go
on with him because of my parents’ wishes. They wanted
to lie to him that I was not worth his time and that I
had not even tried to convince my dad about our
relationship and that he should forget me. Anyways, I
had to go on with what they said to do, because if I
didn’t, they would keep mentally torturing my sister.
She lives in their house and I did not want this to
happen. So I had to painfully and regretfully end my
relationship with my boyfriend in August his year. Up
until now, I have told him that I am in Dubai and will
be back by October (which is a lie). I said this to
him so that we could not keep in touch during this
period. By the end of this month, I am going to do
whatever his sisters have asked me to do. What is
really bothering me is that he does not know what is
going on and we can’t tell him the truth because he is
a very emotional guy and might end up doing something
crazy. I am madly in love with this guy but I will
break up with him because I love my sister very much.
Please help me! There is not a single day in my life,
which passes without crying for him. Please tell me
how should I stop thinking about this guy.
Lost and Lonely:
His sisters are lying to him. You are lying to him –
presumably to protect your sister and also to protect
this fellow from himself because he couldn’t handle
the truth. And now you’re upset because you haven’t
been able to lie to yourself (and hence forget him).
Did I get this all straight? I don’t mean to be
callous as I’m sure this has all been terribly painful
for you. But the outcome is based on the choices you
have made. I have no miracle solution that will change
that for you. However, I can’t help but wonder if a
more honest approach all around would have served you
better in the long run. -----------Next...
Dr.Kathleen Beauchemin e-mail:askdrkate@mindmecca.com

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